Monday Funny…EARLY!

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Monday Funny.

Yes, it is actually ON MONDAY this week.  How cool am I? ;)  This one is because I’m tiptoeing myself in the diet direction.  If I run full-bore, the fat cells bulk up in preparation.

Diet Definitions

Balanced Diet: A cookie in each hand.

Dieting: Breaking the pound barrier.

Destiny: Rich foods are like destiny. They, too, shape our ends.

Sandwich Spread: That which you get from eating between meals.

Seafood Diet: When you see food … you eat it.

Stressed: The word “stressed” makes perfect sense when you realize that it is “desserts” spelled backwards.

Successful Diet: The triumph of mind over platter.

Monday Funny…on Tuesday again.

Yeah, I know there is a pattern here, but at least it isn’t getting later and later every week

This particular comic seemed fitting since I’ve just celebrated yet another birthday on that downhill slide.  I’d have to say that I’m somewhere between the SUV and the camper right now.

I’m so freakin’ proud!

 

 

 

I know, this is supposed to be a Monday Funny, but I just had to brag on my Romance Divas Mentee, Inez Kelley (See, I spelled it right too!).  She set a goal for June 1st to have her submissions ready for her agent wish list AND SHE DID IT!  Not only did she accomplish this, but she was so good at writing her synopsis, I think she should write them for everyone and make some extra cash!!  Inez, what are your thoughts on this??  *ducks behind the couch*

What I’ve been up to lately…

more cat pictures

This pretty much covers it.  Sorry I’ve been gone so much.  Forgive me?

We got the funk!

Okay, so it is actually more along the lines of “I’m in a funk”. 

Ever feel like you had the wind knocked out of your soul and anything you may have accomplished in the past is a huge, enormous fluke?  Yeah, I’m there.  My muse is not just missing, he’s in a coma somewhere and he took my self esteem and confidence with him. 

The little bastard.

I know everyone goes through ups and downs in life and I’ve experienced my share, let me just say, but this is different.  I also know this too shall pass.  Just wanted you all (all two of ya) to know why I’m not blogging as much as usual.  Don’t worry though, I’ll track that dirty little bugger of a muse down soon and whip him back to life

Monday’s funny! *yes, I’m aware that it is Tuesday*

I’ve been gone…and not just ‘out of my mind’ gone, so I wasn’t here to blog yesterday, so NYAH!  :)  Anyhow, here’s Monday’s funny…on Tuesday.

Once upon a time
 

~~~~~~~~

in a land far, far away 
 

~~~~~~~~

a beautiful, self-assured princess

 

happened upon a frog as she was contemplating

 

ecological issues on the shores of an

 

unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow

 

near her castle.

 

The frog hopped into the lap of the princess

 

and said, “Elegant Lady, I was once

 

a handsome prince until an evil witch

 

cast a spell upon me.

 

Once Kiss from you, however, and I will

 

turn back into the dapper young prince

 

that I am, and then, my sweet, we shall marry

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

and set up housekeeping in your castle

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

with my mother,

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

where you can prepare our meals,

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

clean my clothes,

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

bear my children,

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

That night, as the princess dined on sumptuous,

 

lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a

 

white wine and onion cream sauce,

 

she chuckled to herself and said:

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

“I don’t freakin’ think so.”

 

 

Monday Funny

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation 
took place:

First guy: ‘You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend.’

 Second guy: ‘That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I would build 
her a new deck for the pool.’

Third guy: ‘Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I 
would remodel the kitchen for her.’

 They continue to fish.  When they realized that the fourth guy has not said 
a word, they asked him.  ’You haven’t said anything about what you had to 
do to be able to come fishing this weekend.  What’s the deal?’

Fourth guy: ‘I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off 
my alarm, gave the wife a slap on her butt and said:

‘Fishing or Sex?’ and she said: ‘Wear sun-block.’

What is your history?

First off, credit for that lovely book you see is to H Noel (Henry Noel) Humphreys 1810-1879.  I LOVE that cover, let me just say!

I was feeling very nostalgic today and pondering my addiction to the written word. 

It started as a love for reading and grew into an all consuming fire to write.  My husband nurtured the spark he uncovered when we met, and fanned the flame until I had enough confidence in myself to sit down and put my thoughts on the computer.  Now, there were many (okay, HUNDREDS) times he had to shove the chair up to the desk and say, “Just write the damn thing,” but he never gave up on me…to my face.  Now I can’t imagine a world without writing, and quite frankly, I don’t want to.

If you are an author, what is your story?  I wanna know!

Readers, what draws you to the written word?  Do tell!

Is it May already?

WordPress friends, meet Marco.

Marco, WordPress friends.

Anyone else smell burning pubic hair???