As most of you know, Super Hubby and I moved to a beautiful home in the country this past December. I’m a born and raised small-town girl, and Super Hubby has been mostly a suburban kind of guy all of his life. There has been a bit of a learning curve for both of us. Granted, his was a bit less curvy than mine. He fell into step with nature. I sort of free-style danced with it for a few months. Here are a few things I’ve learned…not to do.
1. NEVER pet an armadillo. I know. This should have been one of those times where common sense set off all kinds of screeching alarms. Anyway, they don’t like to be touched even when they’re hurt.
2. NEVER walk down a dark hallway bare-footed. Having cats and moving into a house that’d set empty for a year or so equals dead things sprawled in the dark. Those things squishing between your toes will rip a girly scream from the depths of even the strongest man. Or me. And then there’s the flailing ninja dance that follows. Which leads me to the next point.
3. NEVER walk outside without some kind of flashlight or your phone for lighting. Cobwebs. They are EVERYWHERE. This also leads to the flailing ninja dance, especially when there’s something moving in them. *shudder*
4. NEVER blindly reach under anything in the house. What you grab ahold of probably isn’t what you were looking for…or anything you even wanted to touch! And when it moves? Blah. Again, girly screams and flailing. I’m shuddering and twitching just from the thought.
5. NEVER assume wild animals are afraid of you. Squirrels are haughty little bitches, and they will move heaven and earth to get the walnut at your feet. Opossums are much the same. They like fuzzy porch rugs and will stand their ground when you shoo them. And hiss. And lunge at you. A broom handle works nicely to prompt an exit, though they aren’t in any hurry to vacate the comfy, fluffy rug.
6. NEVER leave dog food in your garage without putting it in a freaking steal safe. It’s a veritable smorgasbord for little critters. And they like to store it in your warm car engine. Hand to God. We had to take my car into the shop because it started sputtering and stalling. They removed the equivalent of two bowls full of dog food from in front of the engine’s oxygen sensor. Runs like a charm now. *head/desk*
Those are but a few highlights of my adjustment from head-banging with nature to a smooth, melodic tango. This is still a work in progress, but I can honestly say it’s worth every last second. The peace and quiet, the beautiful acreage, the gorgeous home, they more than make up for the other things. Please don’t think I’m complaining. I just wanted to share my little nuggets of knowledge in hopes of saving someone from the dreaded ninja-flail. (And make y’all giggle. That’s what I live for.) Please feel free to share any bits of country know-how in the comments. I’d love to see what I’m up against going into my first autumn in the woods.
Sue's Random Ramblings 
You don’t live far from me, but it sounds like a whole different level of communing with nature.
I can relate to a couple of those, though. The extra bird food in the garage is sealed in ziplocs then locked inside a cooler. We learned that one the hard way too, although no cars were involved. And you can’t do the flailing ninja dance when you’re carrying a newborn for his 2 am feeding, no matter what just squished between your toes. 🙂
Not without waking the poor guy up. 😉 I don’t know how you did it.
Your experience sounds like mine. What used to be an “oh it’s a catnip mouse” underfoot is now “what is that?”. Good news, our formerly citified kitties are awesome mousers! Coons are also obnoxious little creatures. We now have three chickens (to rebuild a flock of 17 or so that got decimated) and they’re in the chicken equivalent of fort knox. 😉 Hope you’re loving the country life, ninja flail dances and all! 🙂
I might have to pick your brain on the building of our own fort chicken Knox. Super Hubby wants chickens.
Having grown up in the middle of the woods in Central Missouri I’ve been through all of these and then some. Even though I now live in the middle of Ozark, I still contend with spiders, crickets and the squirrels that now live in my attic. ^_^
Squirrels in your attic? Are you hosting or attempting to rehome?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! I can soooo relate! City girl here. The only country I had experienced was when I went camping, and survival training in the Army. Then moved to the desert, middle of nowhere and nowhere else. There you got to contend with sidewinders (which are not afraid either!!! they will chase you!), scorpions and vinegaroons (which are alien like, scorpion looking ickies, not poisonous, but heard that you will have the taste of vinegar in your mouth for a while! and they get into your clothes, shoes, whatever, in your closets!) Had one of those in a sundress once, luckily did not get bit! But I did learn to shake out anything I put on! lol
*shudder* I think I prefer my squishy mouse guts!
Oh My Goodness, T.Sue, I can so hear you! I grew up in the country and I smiled all the way through your post. And the dog food? Yes. Not long after I moved here, I made the mistake of parking outside (even though I had a garage). Car ran badly. Took it in. Squirrel had made a next in the engine. You can bet I’ve parked inside ever since.
I do park in the garage! We just make sure the dog food is in a plastic container. Expensive lesson.
thanks for my wonderful daughter luv from iowa