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Archive for September 7th, 2012

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I’d first like to thank the fabulous Inez Kelley (whatever you do, make sure you put both e’s in her last name!) for leading off the new and improved Friday Funny.

*pause for applause*

While I did state that every book featured on this blog will not be all funny, this book is guaranteed to make you laugh at least once each chapter. Okay, sometimes it’s twice in one and not in another, but it balances itself out. Without further adieu, I give you a rather steamy, but very funny excerpt from Turn It Up:

Lead in to excerpt: Dr. Bastian Talbot is exhausted after a grueling triple ER shift but dutifully reports to the radio station where he signs on with his best friend and partner Charlie, for LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX with Dr. Hot and the Honeypot. Charlie continues in her efforts to seduce him both on and off the air. 

 “You’re killing me.”

“Killing you is not my intention.” Wantonly, she let her legs part, the skirt hiding their connection but both of them very aware. His hand moved higher, liquid silk smoothing his butterfly-light path. His eyes closed as he traced the outer dampness of her sex.

The buzzing timer jerked his hand away. Charlie pulled her feet from his lap, silenced the buzzer and keyed up the theme music. Justine slid her headset back over her ears. Bastian tugged at his crotch. The look he gave her was pure agonized awe.

“Welcome back, lovers. Did you miss us? I missed you. Poor Doc was falling asleep during the break and I had to do something to wake him up. You okay, now, Doc? Was that little bit of sugar enough to get you up and moving?”

Bastian had to lick his lips before speaking. “Thanks, I’m wide awake now, Honey. Wide. Awake. And up.” The hurried sip of coffee seemed hard for him to swallow. Silently, he shook his finger at her like a naughty child though his eyes were sparkling. 

“Glad to hear it. There’s more chocolate in my bag if you need another lift, okay? Let’s go straight to the phone lines.”

While a woman told a rambling prelude, Bastian leaned in and pressed his lips to Charlie’s ear. “That’s one point.” He brushed her cheek with a soft kiss before pulling back, a glazed film to his look.

“…so is it possible?”

Charlie had to scramble to recall the question. Bastian’s hot breath had stuttered her brain and blanked her mind. “Uh, just to clarify, you’re asking if it’s possible to have an orgasm just from kissing? No intimate touches at all, just lips on lips?”

“Yeah, because I don’t believe her but she swears it’s true.”

“She’s right. It’s unusual but not unheard of. The largest sex organ is the brain. If you turn that on, things just kind of kick in naturally. So, yes, it is possible but between you and me, there’s a whole lot missing in that scenario. Kind of like Thanksgiving with a turkey but no pie, potatoes or cranberries, you know?”

“I hear you.” The caller laughed and Charlie disconnected the line before opening another.

“Hello, caller, you’re live on Let’s Talk about Sex with Doc and Honey. What can we do for you tonight, lover?”

“Can you answer something for me?” The rich masculine voice was softened in shyness, and Charlie cocked her head in curiosity.

“We can try. What’s your name?”

“Simon. I have never done oral sex. Not opposed to the idea, it just hasn’t happened. I’m not sure how. I mean, I’ve heard guys say write the alphabet with your tongue, others say it doesn’t work. Does it?”

Bastian chuckled and leaned forward. “Simon, if you’re concentrating on the alphabet, you’re thinking too hard. Forget what you hear in the locker rooms. Just listen to your partner, talk to her if you’re really unsure, find out what she prefers. There is no one technique. It’s what feels good to both of you.”

“Doc speaketh wisely, Simon, so listen closely. Think about it. What‟s interesting about the letter K? Not a thing. Although the letters O and T are pretty nice, B, Z and H are a waste of energy.”

“You’ve thought about this a bit, haven’t you, Honey?” Bastian laughed.

“Sure have, Doc. I learned my ABC’s in kindergarten; I don’t need a refresher course in the bedroom.”

“Okay, I got that,” Simon broke in. “But like I said, I’ve never done that, yet. I have a lady friend that…I want to do this for her but it’s a little… Oh, never mind. Why can’t there be an instruction manual for stuff like this?”

“Simon, relax.” Soothing and gentle, Bastian’s bedside manner flowed over the airwaves like melted chocolate. “A lot of it will come naturally if you care about your partner, a lot more when you listen to what she wants, what she likes. Don’t get stressed over it. It’s not a competition or a test. It’s pleasing your partner and, in turn, feeling good about that.”

“Hey, Simon.” Charlie straightened her spine and laid her hands flat on the console. “Go buy a can of halved peaches in heavy syrup. Trust me on this, okay? Similar size and shape, texture’s not too far off and the syrup is self-explanatory. Think of it as a visual training manual.”

“Really?” 

“Really. And the best thing you can do is look for the little nub that holds the pit inside the fruit. That is the key to a successful…session. Remember, nubbin, good, alphabet, bad. Good luck, lover.”

“Peaches?” Bastian‟s tone was astonished as the phone line closed. Mouth open, he stared at her. “Where’d you get that idea?”

“Now, Doc, if I told you all my little hidden talents, it’d ruin a few surprises in your possible future. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”

“I don’t know. At this minute, I have to say my brain is no longer functioning properly. You’ve totally floored me with that exercise. Never again will I look at canned fruit the same way. And I don’t know about any of the listeners, but I have a sudden intense craving for honeyed peaches.”

She swayed one leg back and forth. Like a magnet, his eyes fell to the skirt bunched around her hips, barely hiding what he knew didn’t lurk beneath. “Now, I can arrange for that treat any time you like, Doc. Just say the word.”

“The word is stop. Two points to Honey for driving me crazy,” he growled, yanking his head up and grabbing for a silvered kiss. “Take a call. Fast.”

Her laugh rang loud as she clicked the phone line.

ISBN: 978-1-4268-9196-0 Copyright © 2011 by Inez Kelley All rights reserved.

Want more? Of course you do! Here’s the blurb:

TURN IT UP

Dr. Bastian Talbot and self-proclaimed sex goddess Charlie Pierce heat up the air waves with their flirty banter as radio hosts Dr. Hot and the Honeypot. Off the air, they’re best friends…but Bastian wants to be so much more. He wants Charlie—in bed, and forever. 

Problem is, Charlie doesn’t do commitment. Sure, she’s had X-rated fantasies of Bastian, but he was always just a friend—until he impulsively proposes and unleashes the lust they’ve been denying for years. Charlie’s willing to explore where their wild chemistry leads, but she won’t marry him. And he won’t have sex with her until she accepts his proposal, despite her seductive schemes.

What are Dr. Hot and the Honeypot to do? Ask their listeners for advice on how to tame a sex kitten and turn a perfect gentleman into a shameless lover. The Race to Wed or Bed is on…who will turn up on top?

Get your copy at Carina Press, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, or your favorite e-tailer today!

About the author:

Inez Kelley lives in the Midwest in a house affectionately called The Brady Bunch place. She spends most of her time in a cramped little office (Alice’s room) surrounded by a multitude of books, a plastic gecko and her computer. The growing horde of dust bunnies, her children’s request for meals and a never-ending laundry pile vie for her attentions. Visit her on her website. Be sure to click on Fun Stuff and read her freebies, too!

Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

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